Part 3

So here I am, already not sleeping very well BEFORE my baby is even born. To help with my nausea, I was taking Preggy Pop Drops (an awesome Amazon find). But even with trying all the sleep etiquette in the world, it was not happening. Cue even more anxiety and depression. But Christmas was here before we knew it. My sister in law had come home, so she took the obligatory maternity pictures for us. We finally got together with my husband’s dad’s side of the family. We had put a picture from our ultrasound in a wooden frame my husband made and quietly gave it to his grandfather. Over the summer, his wife died, so he was in poor shape physically and mentally. But seeing that picture, his face lit up. He was so excited for us. He passed it around to all the siblings, and finally, I could post our announcement on social media!! The rest of the day was spent with me commenting back to all the congratulations and typical questions. That did brighten my mood, and I was on a little high for awhile, but once the holidays are over and the winter starts dragging on, my depression got to a pretty dark place. All the negative thoughts were pressing in, and it was taking everything in me to get out of bed and take care of myself. I was desperate for relief. I was begging God to take this from me so I could actually enjoy this special time. He did when I really took the time to be quiet with Him. It’s in the quiet when I most feel His presence. That’s where my hope starts to stir up again and gives me the strength to keep pushing on. I also had a lot of supportive people in my life who knew about my mental health struggles that were feverishly praying for me. Finding out we were having a girl really put things back into perspective and I finally felt like I was above water again with that exciting news. Even though we both thought I was having a boy, my husband and I could only agree on a girl’s name. So when the anatomy scan showed us we were wrong, we were beyond thrilled because we both wanted a girl. Either way, we would have loved that child no matter what, but it was still a nice little treat to cheer me up. I always knew I was meant to be a girl mama, and God confirmed that! Now the fun really began as we thought about ways to reveal the gender…

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